- December 22nd, 2009
I was just a kid...he had no right to steal that from me. The only thing i wanted was for him to like me. I was nine years old....and i had no idea what he was doing. He killed my innocence, my childhood. Looking back now what happened explains so much that ive gone through in my life and all the problems ive had with myself, but i repressed the memory shortly after it happened and didnt discover it for a long time, and the worse part was having all these problems and not knowing why i had them because then the only person there was to blame was me. I had so much anger and such a problem with trusting people and there was no apparent reason why. But then when i was 16 he reappeared in my life and i remember exactly the way it felt to see him standing there with that smile. Yeah...i remember that smile...how could i forget it. It was the smile of someone who had taken something so precious from an innocent child and enjoyed every minute of it. He knew what he was doing and he knew it was wrong but he did it anyway, and i have to live with the scars everyday of my life. I get the privilege of waking up everyday and knowing that there is a person out there who took advantage of me and manipulated my mind and body for his own sick pleasure. I get to experience what its like to hold in the pain and the hurt that comes along with being treated like a piece of meat by someone who is supposed to be a friend and a guardian most of all a brother. It was so traumatic that my own brain wouldnt let me recall it for 7 years...and i hid it from the whole world 3. That smile...couldnt have been more evil if it had been attached to the devil himself. Sometimes when im sleeping i can see his face in my dreams and i can feel his hands around my neck choking the life out of me and i wake up gasping for air. The thing i remember the most are his eyes. They were big and dark and when i see them in my dreams and when i found them in his picture they drain the life right out of me. I can literally feel his cold black eyes sucking my soul right out of me. I just cant wrap my head around how you could do that to an innocent nine year old girl and live with yourself everyday. I guess some people really dont have a conscience...its a shame. To all the girls and all the women out there who have been victims of a similar crime I strongly encourage you to speak out against the one who put you through such a horrible thing and I urge you to do it while its not too late. No one deserves that...